I Wish I Was Special
by EmeraldEuphoria
Summary: Unrequited love sucks, doesn't it? But what about supposedly unrequited love?


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Glee (I wish I did though) or any of the songs mentioned.

**A/N:** Okay, I have so much to say, so it'll all be in the A/N at the end.

But now, I just want to say that I'm dedicating this to _**dufrau **_(on Tumblr) because they're really addicted to pezberry. So, even though they didn't request this, it's for them!

**Enjoy!**

* * *

It hurts and I don't understand why. It's been years, I should've gotten used to it by now. I thought I was. I mostly am, but not when it comes to her. With her, it still hurts; the words, the slushies, the looks that say "You're nothing but a loser to me, and that's all you'll ever be", the snide remarks and the laughs at my expense, they all still hurt, and I don't know why.

If I'm being completely honest, I do know why it hurts what she thinks about me - But I'm ashamed of it, and I hate myself for it. _Three years!_ Three years of constant torture from her, and countless ruined shirts, and countless nights crying didn't stop me from falling for her.

But her voice, the passion she exudes while singing, her eyes that always, without fail, lesson the sting of her words, oh god her eyes… She thinks she hides it well, and she actually might with other people but not with me. No, I see everything she's trying to hide, and that's the main reason that made me love her; that she doesn't mean it, everything she does. But she's hurting too. And I want to help her, but she would never let me.

But looking in the mirror, washing my face clean of the slushie that was just thrown at me, with her standing on the side, laughing at my misfortune, I know I'll never be worthy of her love.

God, this stuff really burns. And cherry? Really? That's disgusting.

"Red isn't really your color, Berry," Santana said. Wait, what? When did she come in? I didn't even hear the door open.

I sigh and reply without turning, "What do you want Santana?"

"I wanted to check up on you, Berry," She says sarcastically.

For some reason, that remark, simple and mellow, mild compared to other things she'd said to me, that comment, said so calmly, like there's no way it could be true, like there's no way she'd ever actually care about me, it made tears spring up to my eyes, and I just stood there, stiff and barely breathing. I knew the moment I moved, the tears I'm trying so hard to hold will start flowing.

"What, Berry? Cat got your tongue?" Santana chuckled, "I finally rendered the great Rachel Berry speechless!"

I just stood there, still fighting tears. I could sense her getting impatient and I was hoping she'd lose interest and leave.

Santana clucked her tongue and I heard move closer, "Oh, please, Manhands, like you have nothing to say right now," she scoffed, "Sure, I buy that."

She was still moving closer, "Look, _Rach_, you really can't blame anyone for slushing you," she sounded so amused, saying my name like it was a joke, "It's nothing personal really, it's just who you are."

I couldn't take it anymore, "Can you leave Santana?" I met her eyes in the mirror, "Please," She seemed taken aback by my tears, which were running freely now, "Just leave."

She swallowed before her face hardened, "Why the hell are you crying, Berry?"

I laughed without humour, "I'm sorry if my crying is making you uncomfortable Santana, but it's not like you have to be here."

She glared at me, "You've been treated like this for three years now, what's changed all of a sudden?" she demanded, "What?"

I smiled sadly, "You don't understand…" I sighed, "Just go."

Part of me wanted her to stay, to refuse to leave, to try to understand, but another part, smaller than the first, just really wanted her to leave me to my tears, to go away.

She stared at me for a few more seconds before she rolled her eyes, "Whatever," then she turned around and left me alone. That's when I turned around, entered a stall, locked the door behind me and cried.

—

It's my final class of the day. I'm free to go home. But before I do that, I have Glee. I love Glee, really I do, but I'm just not in the mood to face Santana after the Bathroom Incident. But there's no way I'm missing it, so I guess I'll have to suck it up.

The bell rang and I collected my things to leave. It's fascinating how fast all of my peers can move when they want; I just reached my locker and the hallways are near empty.

Nearing the Glee choir room, I was expecting my heart to race in nervousness, in anxiousness, but what I felt instead was annoyance; I could literally see Santana's unimpressed look before entering the room.

Her eyes met mine immediately, and an eye roll followed. I smiled at her, you know what they say;_ "Kill them with kindness,"_ that's what I was aiming for, not to kill her but… you know what I mean.

"Hello everybody, I hope everyone's had a good day," a few grunts and a few small smiles were all I got as a response. I sighed inwardly and took my usual seat at the front.

You know, I never really had any friends, not real ones, and no matter how much I like my fellow glee club members, none of them like me. Some were nice enough to pretend they did, like Tina, Mike, Sam and sometimes, Blaine. But I'm not stupid nor am I ignorant, I can clearly see the disdain and amusement that shines through their eyes whenever I talk to them.

(Except Brittany, she's always nice to me.)

And I don't understand why. Is it my fault that I'm ambitious? Is it my fault that I actually have goals and dreams that I _will_ accomplish? Is it my fault that none of them would do any work if I didn't push them? Is it my fault that I don't want to leave high school having achieved nothing?

Mr Shue thinks that every win is because of him, but I swear to you, one week of me not being there and this club will beyond collapse. I'm not trying to sound arrogant or anything, but it's the truth, heck, even Mr Shue has realized it by now.

Speak of the devil and he shall appear. Mr Shue's here. With his usual little clap, that's really annoying, and for once, I find myself being more than okay with Santana's eye roll.

"Regional's!" Mr Shue exclaims.

Maybe this is some "method" that I'm not aware of, but after the twentieth time of Mr Shue practically screaming every week's assignment, and every competition's title, it got old.

"Really, Mr Shue? I was so sure it was Sectional's," Santana drawled, "You know, because it's not like you repeat it enough."

Firsts all around; I'm trying to hide a smile, because Santana's so right. And her voice's so…

"Okay," Mr Shue ignored her, like he usually does, I'm pretty sure Santana'd make him cry if he ever tried to reprimand her, "So, Regional's are in two weeks! What do you have for our set list?"

Right. This is the part where everyone, but me, Santana and Quinn apparently, actually buys that _"I'm going to take your opinions seriously"_ act.

In 1, 2, 3…

"I would love it if we did some rap!"

"OMG! What if we sang country this time!"

"We have to have a big choreographed number! We just have to!"

"Cee Lo!"

"Coldplay!"

"The Verve!"

"P!nk!"

"Kimbra!"

And so on and so forth. Of course I suggested the usual stuff, but unlike everyone else, I did it out of the need to keep up appearances, god knows Mr Shue isn't listening.

I glanced at Santana and saw her sigh in annoyance, then cross her arms.

"Okay, okay, settle down!" Mr Shue yelled, and this is the part where he _"let's us down gently"_, "All your suggestions are great, but," you could feel the entire room sigh dejectedly in unison, "I think we should do some mature…"

I wish I could tell you what he said after that, but I merely zoned out.

Santana was unusually quiet today, after a covert glance, it seems she's not really paying any attention either. No surprise there, she never does. But this time, it seems something's actually on her mind. I wish I could read her mind, I'm so sure it'd be the most fascinating thing ever.

Her eyes met mine and she raised an eyebrow, it took me a while to realize that Mr Shue was calling my name.

"Yes?"

"How do you feel about singing the duet with Finn?" he asked, excited, like he already knew the answer.

You know the saying "Love is blind"? Well, I used to think that it meant when you fall in love with someone, you don't care what they look like. But it actually exceeds that. It goes all the way to blinding you of their actions and you don't see their ugly personalities. That was me with Finn. I always put him up on a high pedestal and never really saw how bad a person he could be.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think he's a bad person, I just think he's not very bright and he doesn't really understand the repercussions of his actions most of the time.

I barely handled half the staff he did.

The last straw was when he outed Santana. I just couldn't take it, so I broke up with him.

Santana doesn't know that. I don't think anyone does. I don't even think they know we're broken up, even if it's been a month since we were last together.

"No," my answer was quite good, if I do say so myself. Simple, clear, straight to the point. Even Finn would understand it.

Everyone in the room fell silent, Mr Shue looked shocked, "What?"

I blinked, "I said no,"

"I don't understand…" he said, shaking his head, brows furrowed. He looked stupid.

I almost rolled my eyes, _almost_, "What don't you understand?" I asked in a sugar coated tone.

"I think, Yentl," Santana started, and I half turned to look at her, "that what Shue's trying to say is that it doesn't make sense for you, attention seeking midget, not to want to have the spotlight on you," she smiled, or smirked really.

I swallowed, "Well, as hard as it is to believe, I'm not doing the duet with him."

That seemed to spark Santana's curiosity, "Him?"

"Finn," I replied, shortly.

Her eyebrows flew up, "Really now? And why is that?"

I could've continued keeping up appearances and told her it was none of her business. But it's Santana, and I can't exactly say no to her. I'm beginning to think she knew that.

"Because, Santana, we're not together anymore, and I don't feel we'd have much chemistry on stage."

"What?!" Kurt exclaimed, "Since when?"

I held Santana's eyes since it seemed she wanted to know the answer as well, "Last month," her eyes widened very slightly.

"But why?" asked Tina.

I could feel Finn's discomfort, but I didn't pay him any mind, and when he started to make up some lame excuse, I cut him off.

I made sure Santana was fully paying attention to what I was saying, "I'm not one to date insensitive, incompetent, childish, _disrespectful_….anyone,"

Santana blinked fast a few times, and I'm not sure if it was because she understood what I was saying, or if it was because of Sam's confused "Anyone?"

I held her eyes for a second longer, before I turned to Sam, "Yes, Sam, anyone. I don't know if you realize, but I have two gay dads, they've always taught me that gender doesn't matter, and I'm very much open to dating girls," he looked surprised, "In fact, I have."

With that, I ignored everyone and turned to Mr Shue, "So, Mr Shue, I don't think Finn singing the duet with me is a good idea."

What nobody else knows, is that a week after Finn outed Santana, I went to talk to Mr Shue. I expressed my utmost disgust with the way he'd handled the situation, making sure he knew that I was on Santana's side and that I didn't take well to outing people. I also made sure to tell him to get a handle on Finn, because my two gay dads and the LGBT community would not take well to this.

So, Mr Shue's shock when I refused to sing the duet, wasn't because he didn't know why, but because I actually_ refused_.

So, without further argument, Mr Shue asked, "Who do you think would be a good partner?"

Ignoring Finn's outrage, I shrugged, "Who'd like to preform the duet with me?" I asked, standing up and looking at the shocked faces of my fellow members.

"Well?"

After a few moments of silence, hands started to rise.

First Puck, then Kurt, then Tina followed (surprisingly), which made Mercedes raise a brow, shrug then raise her hand.

Brittany followed, and I smiled slightly, I always had a soft spot for her, she returned my smile quite happily. Artie glanced at Finn before he raised his hand, immediately followed my Sam, Blaine and Sugar.

By now, the only people left who haven't raised their hands were Quinn, Mike, Finn, for obvious reasons, and Santana.

I was about to start talking when Quinn and Santana both raised their hands. Quinn looked bored, while Santana looked at me with challenge in her eyes.

"W-What I propose we do is, everyone should bring what song they think would be good for us to sing and we'll sing them all, and pick the perfect one!" I smiled brightly, and chuckled as Brittany clapped. I half hoped she'd win, but mostly, I just wanted Santana to pick an amazing, perfect song that'd kill everyone else's chance. No matter how mean that sounded.

I heard Mr Shue sigh before he dismissed us.

—-

Nobody could agree on when they wanted to perform. So, Brittany made the amazing suggestion of writing the dates on pieces of paper, putting them in the "magicians hat", then each gets their date picked by fate.

And people think she's stupid. Anyone who thinks that is just out of their mind.

The dates were as follows:

Monday, March 4th - Artie.

Tuesday, March 5th - Kurt.

Wednesday, March 6th - Sugar.

Thursday, March 7th - Tina.

Friday, March 8th - Mercedes.

Monday, March 11th - Blaine.

Tuesday, March 12th - Sam.

Wednesday, March 13th - Quinn.

Thursday, March 14th - Puck.

Friday, March 15th - Brittany.

Then, last would be Santana the Monday after that, which gives me the whole weekend to worry about. How lovely…

—

**Monday - Artie - Magic:**

_"Yo, Rachel!" I heard Artie call._

_I turned to acknowledge him then continued walking._

_"So, since our turn is Monday, we should practice this weekend,"_

_I nodded, "Of course. And have you decided on what song we'll be singing?" I asked. You know, this was a really nice, generous idea I had; letting other people pick the song we'll be singing._

_Artie smirked, "Yup! We're signing BoB ft Rivers Cuomo, Magic!" he exclaimed._

_I winced, really? That's just… No…_

_I smiled and gave a curt nod before walking away._

So, that was last week, and today is mine and Artie's performance day. Or as I've taken to calling it, his audition day.

We were all at the auditorium, where all auditions will be held, and Artie and I were performing.

Everyone, but Santana and Quinn, was dancing around and having fun. But I just wasn't feeling it. It felt wrong, silly, like I was pretending, and I guess I was in a way.

I just couldn't wait 'till this was over… Still ten more after this.

The music stopped and we took a bow, smiling at the applause, and Sugar's hoots.

"Well done guys!" Mr Shue exclaimed, like we needed his approval.

I didn't look at Santana.

—-

**Tuesday - Kurt - Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead:**

_"One word: Oz," Kurt all but whispered as he sat down next to me in the library._

_"I'm sorry?"_

_He sighed, "We need to sing Oz!"_

That's why me and Kurt are currently on stage, dancing around with brooms. And as fun as this is, I really didn't feel like a duet with Kurt was what I wanted. Or needed, for that matter.

I still refused to look at Santana. Even after we were done with the performance and pretended to listen to Mr Shue.

—-

**Wednesday - Sugar - ET:**

I can't believe I'm doing this. I'm on stage, singing ET, wearing an alien costume.

It's all Sugar's fault…

_Someone tapped on my car's window, and when I opened it, they threw something inside._

_"Memorize it."_

_That was all Sugar said before lowering her sunglasses to her eyes and walking away._

And thus, this whole stupidity happened. I respect and very much like Katy Perry.

Alien costumes and Sugar Motta's voice however, not so much.

I wasn't surprised that there was barely anyone clapping when we were done. It was horrible!

I risked a glance at Santana and found her smirking.

Great…

—-

**Thursday - Tina - What a Feeling:**

I was, surprisingly, having a really fun time. Tina was a great singer, she applied herself and she wasn't full of herself. She'd also picked a really good song.

_"Hey, Rachel," Tina greeted as she stood next to my locker, "I was thinking we'd practice today after school?"_

_I smiled, "Sure, Tina, what song are we singing?"_

_"Well, I thought we'd do Flashdance's What a Feeling…?" she asked more than stated._

_I smiled more kindly this time, "That's an amazing song!"_

_She sighed in relief then skipped over to Mike._

Dancing around the stage, having fun, I realized that there was something missing. And that something, or someone, was sitting at the very last row, looking extremely unimpressed.

After seeing Santana's facial expressions, I blocked the applause and complements.

—-

**Friday - Mercedes - Take Me Or Leave Me:**

_"Rachel," Mercedes nodded her head at me as a way of greeting as she sat down next to me at lunch, "I thought to take it easy on you and pick something you'd know for our duet," she smirked, "so I picked Take me or Leave Me,"_

_I smiled, "Of course, that's a great song, that'll hopefully showcase both of our vocals."_

_She rolled her eyes, and left._

So, now I'm on the stage, yet again, performing one of my favorite songs, but feeling so numb. I just couldn't feel anything but annoyance at singing with Mercedes, no matter how great a singer she is.

I didn't look at Santana this time.

—-

**Monday - Blaine - Castle Of Glass:**

This time, while on stage, instead of feeling numb, I felt surprised; Blaine had picked an unusual song…

_Blaine and I were sitting at a little table in the Lima Bean, discussing Glee, boys and the like._

_"So, Blaine, what song are we singing for your audition?"_

_He rolled his eyes, "I was thinking Linkin Park's Castle of Glass…"_

_My eyes widened, "Really?"_

_He nodded._

And, our performance got a standing ovation.

—-

**Tuesday - Sam - Tonight, I love you:**

_"Sam!" I yelled, running down the hallway at school, "Sam!"_

_He stopped and turned around, catching me before I tripped._

_"Yeah?" he asked, with a charming smile._

_I blinked, "Have you decided on a song yet?"_

_"Yup!" he nodded, "The Latency's Tonight, I love you!"_

_Then he looked at his watch and with a wink, he was gone._

It was a really good song. And Sam was amazing. And the atmosphere was extremely fun.

But one, little glance at Santana, sitting in her usual spot at the very back, ruined it for me. She wasn't even looking at the stage.

I wasn't having fun anymore.

—-

**Wednesday - Quinn - I'm still here:**

Santana looked really pissed off…

_"Rachel, wait up!" I head Quinn yell, and so I slowed my pace to allow to her to catch up._

_I smiled curtly when she started walking next to me, "Hello, Quinn. What can I do for you?"_

_She looked slightly uncomfortable, "Can I talk to you? Please?"_

_I saw Santana staring at us from across the hallway, looking a little angry. But I didn't know what was wrong with her, so I ignored her and nodded at Quinn._

_She lightly took my hand and dragged me to the empty choir room._

_"So…" she took a deep breath, "I'm sorry,"_

_I was confused, "Pardon?"_

_She sighed, "I don't know why I did it, or maybe I do but… Rachel, I never meant to treat you the way I did!" she exclaimed, looking apologetic, "You were just so determined and proud and… I felt stupid and silly next to you. I felt like a child…"_

_She shrugged, "I'm sorry that I tried so hard to crush your spirit, and I'm so very glad that you were strong enough to block it all out, I'm so glad that you're still you!" she looked at me with tears in her eyes, "This is… I don't want to leave high school a child, I don't want to leave high school with a guilty conscious…"_

_She sat down next to me, "So, could you please forgive me?"_

_I blinked back tears, "Of course, Quinn, I forgave you a long time ago."_

_She smiled so big and reached to pull me in for a hug, "Thank you," she whispered._

_Pulling back, she chuckled, "And now I look like a mess…"_

_"You could never look like a mess," I shook me head._

_She smiled softly, "You're sweet," she wiped her cheeks, "I'm still here, by Vertical Horizon,"_

_I frowned, "What?"_

_Again, she chuckled, "That's the song we're singing."_

That's the reason me and Quinn are on stage singing this, obviously, very important to Quinn song, and that's the reason Santana's looking extremely pissed… Although, I don't understand why.

I felt so overwhelmed by Quinn's performance; she was singing from the heart and anyone could hear that.

I also knew that she was singing to someone, but I didn't know who.

Santana walked out in the middle of the song.

—

**Thursday - Puck - In My Head:**

_I was in History, listening to Mr Higgs droll on and on about some civil war. I tried to pay attention, but he is the most boring teacher ever._

_Noah, who was next to me, leaned a little too close for comfort, and whispered in my ear, "Well, princess, I've decided we're singing Jason Derulo's In my head," then he kissed my cheek and went back to sleeping._

The thing about Noah is that he seems lazy and incompetent to a lot of people, but if you see him perform, sing, it's like it's a different person.

He's Puck most of the time, but while performing, he's Noah. And I'd take Noah over Puck any day.

Santana didn't bother showing up.

—-

**Friday - Brittany - 'Till The World Ends:**

_I was at some football game, that I wouldn't usually attend. Especially since I'm no longer with the QB. But Brittany asked me to come and I couldn't very well say no, now could I? Don't judge me! I _dare_ you to say no to Brittany. It's impossible._

_It was quite boring, until it was half time, where lo and behold, it turns out Santana is the center of everything. And really, watching Santana dance and do splits is not the worst thing in the world._

_I was completely mesmerized that I didn't notice when the Cheerios were done, until Santana met my eyes and smirked, making my blush beet red._

_Brittany plopped down next to me, only slightly panting, "Hi, Rach! I was so afraid you wouldn't come!"_

_I looked at her, and couldn't help but return her bright smile, "I said I would."_

_She shrugged, looking a little shy, "Yeah, I know, but people usually break their promises to me so…"_

_I wrapped an arm around her shoulders, "Yeah, well I, for one, would never, ever, break a promise to you."_

_She perked right up, "You're awesome! So…?" she looked at me expectantly, biting her lip._

_I shook my head, confused, "So..?"_

_She rolled her eyes playfully, "What did you think?"_

_"Of what?"_

_She slapped my side lightly, "Of the half time show, silly!"_

_I coughed, blushing, "It was fine, you know…"_

_She smirked, "And Santana looked really hot, right?"_

_My eyes widened, "Oh…"_

_She threw her head back, laughing, which made Santana glance back at us, "Yes, oh!" she hugged me, "You're so cute!"_

_I continued blushing, "Brittany, don't-"_

_"I won't tell anyone, Rach, don't worry!" she smiled, "But, the other reason I came here was to let you know that I picked us a song!"_

_She was slightly bouncing in her spot. It was adorable. "And what is it?" I asked._

_"Well, I thought, what's better that Rachel's voice and my dancing? And guess what?" she asked, "I came up with nothing!" she nodded emphatically, "So, we're singing, and dancing to, Britney's 'Till the world ends!"_

_My eyes widened, but this time it was in excitement, "That's genius! You're totally winning!"_

_She blushed lightly, "I don't know, there's still Santana left… And everybody really liked yours and Puck's performance. Also, Quinn's was awesome, I might even vote for her…"_

_I really hate that Brittany's insecure, and I blame every, single bad excuse of a human being that's ever called her stupid. She's amazing. And I just wish she'd fully see that._

_"Trust me, Britt, you dancing, alone, would make them all look tiny in comparison!"_

_She smiled softly, "Thank you," she looked down at the field where coach Sylvester was calling her, "I gotta go, but we'll practice after school, okay?"_

_I nodded and waved at her as she flew down the bleachers._

So, out of all the auditions so far, mine and Brittany's is the best. And I'm not being biased!

Brittany chose a perfect song for both of us, and she choreographed the whole thing. I did a few dance moves, but I made sure to let her have her moment in the spotlight. Everyone should be graced with seeing Brittany dance.

Trust me, it'll change your view on life; watching the blonde do her favorite thing in the world.

And this time, Santana was smiling. It was so small that you could barely see it, unless you were looking for it. And I was.

It just made the whole thing even more amazing.

After the performance, seeing Brittany smiling and hearing the applause, I felt happy. Really, really happy.

Santana actually smiling only helped increase the feeling.

—-

I just left the auditorium after changing, and was sad to find that no one bothered to wait for me. I expected at least Brittany would.

Apparently not.

I sighed and headed to my locker to get my phone. And, shutting my locker, I heard hushed voices arguing.

"No, Britt, just forget it!"

A huff, then, "No, San, I won't! How about you stop being such a coward and step up. Or is that too much to ask?"

Oh! That's Brittany and Santana. What are they talking about? Wait, should I make my presence known?

…Yes, I should. It's the right thing to do.

"Brittany, I am not going to-"

Brittany stood up straight upon seeing me, and plastered a big, fake (for a second) smile, "Hi, Rach!"

I saw Santana stiffen, but not turn until Brittany pinched her side. I suspect Brittany didn't think I'd see that.

"Hi… Why are you guys still here?" I asked.

Santana wouldn't meet my eyes, which made Brittany roll hers lightly, and sigh, "Rach, we couldn't just leave you here alone!" she looked offended that I'd even think such a thing.

But could you blame me? Especially when Santana scoffed at the blonde's words?

I ignored the girl I so desperately wished would return my feelings and smiled at Brittany, "Thank you for waiting, you didn't really have to."

She shook her head, "Well, we thought since it's Friday and- Wait, do you have anything planned for today?"

Santana's eyes widened and she turned to look at Brittany in a panic.

I replied slowly, confused, "Um, no, Brittany, I don't. Why?"

She ignored Santana and walked over to me, "Well! There's only one last audition and Santana hasn't chosen a song yet. So, how about we all go over to your place and look for one?"

Oh. I don't know. Should I do this? Santana obviously wasn't too keen on the idea. But then again, Brittany was pouting and… Dear Lord, she knew what she was doing.

I rolled my eyes playfully at her, making her giggle, "Fine. But you are not allowed to pout ever again!"

She shrugged then took my hand, and Santana's, "Off to the Berry's then!"

This should be interesting…

—-

Brittany was lying on my bed, singing along to whatever came on the radio.

While Santana was sitting on my desk chair, looking unimpressed, bored and really, really annoyed.

This was hard. How were we supposed to pick a song if she wasn't cooperating.

"Santana, I know this is very tough for you; being in my room and all," I frowned at Brittany's amused, knowing chuckle, "But if you didn't want to do this, why did you raise your hand?"

Santana glared at me and Brittany threw a sympathetic glance at her, "Oh!" the blonde exclaimed suddenly, "You should totally sing this song!" she said, pointing at radio.

I furrowed my eyebrows and listened really hard, but I couldn't place the song.

Santana gave Brittany a warning look, which Brittany ignored, "It's by Radiohead, it's called Creep, and it's perfect for you guys!" she then promptly got up off the bed and typed something on my lap top, "Come see, Rach."

I looked at the screen and realized they were the lyrics. I read through them carefully, and with each lyric, my heartbeat grew slower, "Brittany, why…"

I didn't understand why Brittany would do this. Was this her plan all along? No, Brittany was nice, she wouldn't bring Santana here to expose my feelings like this.

"Brittany," I swallowed thickly, "This is a song about unrequited love. It's about a guy who doesn't think he's worthy of a girl! Why would this be perfect for us?" I asked, trying to calm my jumbled up thoughts, all the while repeating _'Brittany didn't mean it like that'_ in my mind, "I'm pretty positive that I don't think I'm unworthy of Santana, so unless she thinks she's unworthy me, it's not a good song for us."

I turned to Santana, "Do you think you're unworthy of me?" I sounded slightly on the hysterical side.

She shook her head slowly, lips pursed to, I noticed, hide a smile, "I don't…"

Brittany sighed, "Fine. I guess my trying to help isn't working. Do whatever you want. I'm leaving," with that, she walked out of my room. And after a few seconds, we heard the front door slam shut, but not before, "Bye, Mr and Mr Berry!"

I giggled, "Brittany's adorable…"

"That she is," I spun around, oh… I'd forgotten Santana was still here. This is awkward.

"Yeah," I said, "Um, so, do you want to leave or should we look for a song?"

She shrugged, "Can we practice the song Brittany chose?"

I raised a brow, "You into me, Lopez?"

She chuckled, "You wish, Berry," she stood up, "So, practice?"

And the rest of the night was spent practicing for a song that left me feeling confused.

—

**Monday - Santana - Creep:**

You already know how this came to be, so there's no need for me to tell you.

But, while waiting for Mr Shue to finish talking, I noticed something; Santana was uncomfortable. She couldn't stop fidgeting and Brittany kept giving her reassuring smiles. All which confused me.

"And so, without further ado," right, Mr Shue, it's not like you spent the last ten minutes rambling on and on about some lame thing, "Santana and Rachel!"

The glee club clapped, and Brittany stood up, screaming, "Go kill them!"

Yeah, she forgave us when she found out we were singing Creep.

_"When you were here before, Couldn't look you in the eye, You're just like an angel, Your skin makes me cry,"_ Santana sang, not looking at me.

You know, the more I thought about it…

_"You float like a feather, In a beautiful world, I wish I was special, You're so fucking special"_ She threw a millisecond long glance at me.

Wait… There is no way…

I delivered my line perfectly,_ "But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo, What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here,"_

Santana took a visibly shaky breath before her next line, _"I don't care if it hurts, I want to have control, I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul,"_

She sang the lines like she actually thought this, and I felt strangely protective. I guess it's not so strange since I'm in love with her, but I jut couldn't handle her believing she wasn't perfect. Because she was.

It wasn't surprising that she didn't think so, what with her plastic surgery and her HBIC attitude. It was quite obvious that she had insecurities. Especially since she's been hiding who she is for so long.

It's always the popular girls, isn't it? The ones who are most insecure. The ones who feel the need to be accepted.

Like Brittany, who'd been told her entire life that she was stupid, dumb, not worth much, nothing but a warm body. And she actually believed it.

And Santana, who couldn't handle not being as straight as she wanted to be. Who was afraid everyone would turn their backs on her. Who was afraid of being alone. She thought that nobody would love her for her, so she put on her "I don't care" facade, her bitch mask. Just so she could protect herself.

Quinn, who had to be perfect. Had to. Her mom's an alcoholic who followed her father around like a lost puppy, and was never there for her. And her father, who never really loved her. And who kicked her out the second she made a human mistake.

They all try so hard to pretend that they don't care, but they do.

_"I want you to notice, When I'm not around, You're so fucking special, I wish I was special,"_

I wanted to scream "You are special! You're more special than any of us! And I notice you! All the time!" but I couldn't, I needed to keep singing.

When we were practicing, I made sure to give Santana the lead on the song. She deserves it.

_"But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo, What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here,"_

I looked at our audience and noticed almost everyone had sad expressions. And my heart broke at Brittany's tear stained face. Seeing Brittany cry is like seeing a puppy getting stabbed over and over again. It's a crime against nature.

_"She's running out the door, She's running, She run, run, run, run, Run,"_ We sang together in perfect harmony.

Santana's voice broke slightly while singing her next part, _"Whatever makes you happy, Whatever you want, You're so fucking special, I wish I was special,"_ she sounded raw and beautiful.

Her eyes met mine for the last part, looking so damn sad, I just wanted to go over and hug her, _"But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo, What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here, I don't belong here,"_

It was all quiet in the auditorium before thunderous applause came from the glee club members.

Santana didn't stick around, she gave one of the band guys her mike and walked out.

Brittany gave me a sad, little smile, then followed her friend.

—-

If I had to guess who'd win this competition, I'd say it would either be Brittany or Santana. But obviously, everyone wanted to win and so they'd, without a doubt, vote for themselves.

We were in the choir room, where Mr Shue was currently sitting in the corner, counting the votes.

After a few torturous minutes, he stood up.

"So, most of you voted for yourselves, and one of you wrote _"I refuse"_," he glanced at Finn, "With a total of three votes, the winner is," he imitated a drum roll sound, "Brittany!"

I smiled so big, I was afraid my face was going to split. She'd won! Yes!

Brittany was frozen in place, "I won?"

Santana smiled at her, "You did, babe!"

Everyone stood up to congratulate the blonde.

Santana glanced at me, smiled then went back to her best friend.

—-

Everyone went out to Breadsticks to celebrate Brittany's win. But I'd decided to catch up with them later.

I was in the auditorium, messing around on the piano. Not playing anything in particular.

"What are you doing?"

I didn't turn around, "Thinking."

Santana leaned on the piano, "Thinking what?"

I shrugged, "Stuff. I don't know, just thinking."

She hummed, then tapped my shoulder and pushed lightly, making me scoot over so she could sit down.

She played a little tune, "I voted for her."

I nodded, "I figured."

"And Trouty did too," she supplied.

"But who was the third one?" I asked, "There's no way anyone else would vote for Brittany instead of themselves, and Quinn voted for you…"

She chuckled, "Boy Chang," she shook her head, "But don't tell his little girlfriend."

I turned to look at her profile, "Really?"

She nodded, and was quiet for a while, "I don't know why Q voted for me. I mean, I get why Brittany did it, but not Q…"

I swallowed, "Because you deserved it. I was very glad I didn't get to vote; I wouldn't want to decide between you two!"

"I deserved it?"

I nodded, humming in agreement, "Yeah. Your performance was beautiful, Santana. You're an amazing singer. It was so… raw…"

She looked down, her hands stood still on the piano keys, "Quinn's was just as-"

"Stop that!" I huffed, "Trust me when I say that your performance was the most meaningful! Out of everyone!"

She breathed a laugh, "Right. Thanks."

We were silent for a while, "Can I ask you a question?"

She sighed, then looked at me, "Sure."

"What did that song mean to you?"

Her eyes flitted from one of mine to the other for a few seconds, "A lot. It meant a lot."

"But what did it mean to you?" I persisted.

She shook her head, "I don't think you want to know that…"

"Okay… Well, how about you let me decide what I do or don't want to know," I raised my eyebrows.

She stood up, and for a second, I thought she was leaving, but she just started pacing.

"You know, Berry, I've tortured you. A lot. And I've never apologized," she shrugged, "Quinn has, right? Before you did her song, right?" she continued without waiting for an answer, "She's braver than I am… I can't apologize. I can't talk about my feelings. The best I can do is sing a song, and even then, the person it's meant for didn't get it…" she ran her hand through her hair, "I've always tried to get them to realize it, but every time I almost say it, I insult them… it's stupid, isn't it?"

She stood in the middle of the stage, lost in thought, playing with her bracelet, "I really tried. I just couldn't. Can't…" she looked up at me, eyes shinning, "How am I supposed to tell you?"

I was beginning to get frustrated, "Tell me what? Santana, whatever it is, I won't freak out, okay? I promise!"

"People break promises…" she mumbled under her breath.

"Yeah, well I don't!" I said in a determined voice.

She stared at me, hard, for a few crucial seconds, "Come here."

I blinked, "What?"

She cleared her throat, "Come. Here."

I stood up and walked towards her slowly.

We stood in front of each other, mere feet away from one another.

She moved forward until we were centimeters apart, and slowly, painfully so, moved one of her hands to cup my cheek, "I'm sorry," she whispered, "For everything."

I nodded, but otherwise stayed silent. "Rachel, I never meant to hurt you…"

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, and when she opened them again, her eyes were a little wet, "The song was about you…"

My eyes widened, and she chuckled, "You know, I always thought you were straight, so I never really let myself hope, or wish or fantasize," she smirked, "Oh, I did fantasize…" she shook her head, "But then you said that you'd broken up with Hudson and that it was because he outed me and then you'd dated girls and you did that song with Q and I thought you liked her and that she sang that song for you," she was barely breathing, talking so fast, "But then I saw her kissing Trouty and I realized it was for him and I didn't get why I was so stupid-"

So, sure, maybe I was being rude; you shouldn't interrupt people when they're talking. But I'm pretty sure what Santana was saying was that she liked me, so yeah, I was a little rude, but she was rambling. So I kissed her.

She was frozen for a second before she wrapped her arms around my waist and kissed back hungrily. Sucking my bottom lip between her own and demanding entrance. The moment her tongue met mine, my world exploded.

Screw fireworks! There were fires, shooting stars, exploding suns and rainbows and unicorns and so much more than fireworks. It was perfect.

She pulled back, resting her forehead against mine, panting. She looked beautiful.

"You're a good kisser,"

She threw her head back and laughed. I've never heard a more beautiful sound before, maybe Santana singing… But still, everything she did was beautiful.

She shook her head, biting her lip, "So are you," she licked her lips, "I lied to you…"

My smile faded a little, "About what?"

"At your house, when we were choosing a song… I didn't feel like I was worthy of you…"

I hugged her, "Trust me, you're more than worthy!"

She chuckled, "Yeah, thanks."

Her phone rang and she looked at the screen, "It's Brittany," she pressed answer, "Hi, Britt," she smiled at me, "Yeah, I'm with her," she tightened her hold on my waist, "Yes, Britt Britt, we kissed," she then laughed and hung up.

I raised an eyebrow, "What did she want?"

"I told her I was coming to talk to you," she shook her head, "She wanted to make sure I didn't chicken out," she pulled me in for a kiss, "And she wants a thank you gift," she mumbled, before connecting out lips together.

I laughed into the kiss; if Brittany wanted a gift, she'd get a gift.

* * *

**A/N: Right. So, a few things:**

**First of all, the first part, the bathroom, was written a month ago, and I had a totally different outline for this. But apparently, that wasn't happening…**

**So, I apologize if it seems like it doesn't match.. Does it? :/**

**Another thing is, I just thought that if any of you were interested in knowing my song selection (I spent a fucking long time deciding on them… sort of!), here they are:  
**

**Brittany:**

Britney Spears - 'Till the world ends_ (it was easy because I knew I wanted something by Britney!)_

**Artie:**

BoB - Magic _(I'll admit to being too lazy to look further…)_

**Blaine:**

Linkin Park - Castle of glass _(I wanted this for Santana)_

**Kurt:**

Oz - Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead _('Cause I'm too lazy to think of an original one)_

**Tina:**

Flashdance _(Again, lazy…)_

**Santana:**

Simple Plan - Welcome to my life _(I love this song!)_

**Puck:**

Jason Derulo - In my head

**Sam: **_  
_

The Latency - Tonight, I love you

Bruno Mars - Grenade

NeverShoutNever - Can't stand it

**Quinn: **_(I found these on Tumblr, can't remember where…)_

Rob Thomas - Ever the same

"Congratulations", Blue October Ft. Imogen Heap

Vertical Horizan - I'm still here

**Mercedes:**

Take me or leave me _(lazy…)_

**Sugar:**

Katy Perry - ET _(I just thought it fit Sugar's crazy personality!)_

**As for how I saw everyone voted: **

Brittany: Santana.

Santana: Brittany.

Quinn: Santana.

Tina: Tina.

Mercedes: Mercedes.

Kurt: Kurt.

Mike: Brittany _(he loves Tina, but Brittany's his dance buddy and she was awesome!)_

Artie: Arite.

Sugar: Sugar.

Finn: I refuse (xD)

Puck: Puck.

Sam: Brittany.

Rachel: Wasn't allowed to vote.

**I started okay, then I seemed to mess everything up…**

**Brittany… Ever since The Break Up, I've been having Hemo/Brittany feels. I know I have a girl crush on Hemo, but ever since the Mine scene and seeing her cry (WHICH IS A CRIME AGAINST NATURE!) I've been Hemo-Sensitive…**

**That's why there's more Pieberry action than there is Pezberry xD**

**Also, I had a Pieberry dream… weird!**

**I think that's it…. Maybe… :P**

**Review, telling me what you liked, didn't like, what I should work on and any suggestions you have!**

**Cheers.**


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